forgot to post on my birthday, so well, thats another year gone. I'm 17 already. no present received, oh well, that clearly show how much i mean to others, sometimes i envy how my friends celebrate other people birthdays, they spent time thinking what to buy, plan everything even all chip in to buy a cake, whereas for me, nvm i dun want publicity. I didn't even tell them, cause its bad to ask people buy present for you. Oh well.
yesterday watched smurf, with friends. it was great, well someone says she is not pretty yesterday so, ya not pretty luh. they planned to prank someone, but failed, instead he was pissed, damn gay luh.
today, went school for chemistry test,, i think i did pretty well but i can do much better, wonder how much i get, after that we head to hall for the farewell rehearsal, they say till now we are the best they seen, a great relieve for our efforts. our efforts are not in vain, and someone said i dance very well today! pranked wen xin just now and i feel bad, hahaha. then i ask someone if she knew who i really liked. she say she dunno and dun wanna know, Frankly speaking, now, i really like no one, i'm just at peace, i dun wanna like anyone cause, i feel i dun need to, if i do. i would become jealous about anything, when she is not even my girlfriend, so its kinda not the right time to like anyone right now, kinda heartening when i'm writing this. because i know, now, i'm really at peace.
Speaking about myself, i feel inferior to other guys, they look much better than me, they have more money than me, they are more smarter than me, i feel im lacking every bit of everything a basic guy needs, now i'm really being emotional. Whenever i try to be my best, other guys would be better. take for example, i met this girl, not going to say who, she treats me good, she says im the best, i start to like her, she laughed, then one day, i mess with her itouch, went into her photos, and i found photos of another guy, i was kinda speechless, then i asked her, she then finally said she like another guy, and said i wasn't really that good, well, truth known, and its not the first time, and each time i told myself everything will turn out fine, well its not the case. someone told me " why keep thinking of the past? memories are left for us to remember and not to recall ", well, sometimes its a really good memory which just have a bad ending, Great shattered memories, i prefer to call it as, and i wanna avoid it. I like what is happening now, everything is good, but for how long? I wanna protect what i have now, i would do it at any cost, now its great, and my biggest fear is losing it, how would anyone know how i feel?
Long ago, when i was in my primary school days, my family were very poor, my mum works and my dad works too, they didn't earn much, but still provide us with education, food was not so awesome, sometimes its just egg and porridge, probably soya sauce, then my dad fall sick, really sick, my mum quit her job to help dad, we dun have income at all, my dad is on the verge of dying, luckily he is still alive, and when he recover, he started his own company, and going through all this i was a very naughty child, i create trouble in school everyday, and i got beaten everyday, until my dad fall sick i finally realise the meaning of nearly losing someone, i felt i haven done much for him but i create trouble all day. finally when i was at primary 6 i worked very hard on my studies totally no trouble that year, finally end of the year my dad recover and i bring him a splendid result, though i was not top student but i did my best, until now, my dad worked really hard for today to happen, we eat better meals, we can frequently go resturant. even to the point my mum can sit at home be a full time house wife, what i have today is all the hard work from my dad, and i learnt to protect it, just like me wanting to protect what i have now, if you feel me.
Labels: To protect and preserve